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So for the second season running, we have snatched mid table mediocrity, and another year in division 3, from the jaws of promotion. However, the end of the North East Hockey League season allows opportunity for some statistical analysis of individual and team performance:

Individual:

Games Played: 19 (15 league, 1 cup, 2 second team, 1 friendly)
Turned up to match without stick: 2
Lost trackie bottoms: 2
Goals scored: -1

Team:

Games Played: 23
Points taken off eventual division champions: 4 (out of a possible 6)
5-0 thrashings of team finishing second: 1
Back to back victories during first half of season: 12
Subsequent dire draws against rubbish opposition: 4
Brilliant draws against rubbish opposition (we played with ten men): 1
Incidents of poor availability: 1,000,000,000,000,000
Final Position in table: 4th
Projected number of decent hockey matches in Div 3 next season: 2
Collective frustration about the above: incalculable

Games played outfield by Matt Kurian: 1
Incidents of incorrect recollection of own team’s name: 4 or 5
Goal scored by Tommy Lee: Priceless
Helicopter Impersonations by Opposition Umpire: 1
Famous Cup Upsets: 1
Zimmer Frames employed: 1
Parts of the body utilised to make saves with: At least 3 more than advisable
Additions to youth team: 2 (Well done, Mathers and Brown)

So all in all an eventful season encompassing both the sublime and ridiculous, leaves the squad pondering what was and what might have been. A few mixed hockey tourneys over the coming weeks, and moday night knockabouts over the summer will keep us going, but it won’t be long before we’re desperate for the new season to start… as much because of the graft, frustration and disappointment of this year as despite it.

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